The other day I heard an excellent dialogue between a mother and her 4-5 years old son. They were taking a long walk, and the child became cranky because he was tired of walking.
The mother said, "Daniel, I'm tired too. It's also hard for me, but we must continue walking. As soon as you and I get home, we'll rest together. But, please, think about how you can help yourself now. You realize you have to go anyway, and it's up to you how and when you get there."
I froze for a second. Almost the whole point of conscious living is in one parent's answer. She didn't just talk about getting from point A to point B. She also told me HOW.
- YOU are responsible for moving from point A to point B.
- YOU are the essential helper to yourself. Help yourself, fill yourself with resources. Each of us can help ourselves. You have to know and understand yourself to do this.
- The speed of movement depends on YOU.
How seldom do I see such parent-child communication? Usually, it's tired moms and dads constantly pushing their children. But, because there is no time, adults must get everything done.
In a child's world, time flows differently. Sometimes adults don't want to do anything because not all children are born when two people are ready to become parents.
I looked at this family for a long time, and I felt so warm at heart because I had witnessed how an adult had laid such an essential belief in a little person's mind.
Fast forward to adult life.
Consider a mundane situation: "An employee does not want to do something for whatever reason." You can feel anxiety rising both in you and the employee; you don't know how to deal with that.
You can try to push the individual by saying: "It's your duty; get it done!"
Perhaps there are other choices, like:
"I know this is a difficult task; you feel undervalued and underpaid for this; however, if we get it done, we can celebrate together!"
Or
"I understand this is a difficult assignment; I would love to give some time to contemplate the best outcome. Would you like to do it before or after lunch?"
The first example demonstrates empathy and alignment of emotional states between you and the employee. Second, it makes the other person aware of the outcome - the result is required anyway, yet you pass the freedom of choice on timing.
Words are essential; knowing the right ones can add value to many.
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