Helena looked silently after Andrew. It seemed to her that her world had collapsed. She had no idea how she would live or what she would do; she just wanted to lie down and die.
⠀"So what if he went away every Friday for a weekend vacation with his friends? So what if he didn't help out around the house, and he couldn't because he was tired at work? I'm not as tired at work as a woman; women don't get tired; they can't. How will I be without him now? How?"
⠀Well, hello, Mrs Codependency. One person did the wrong thing, and the other person's day isn't going well.
⠀He's not feeling well, racing around in his head, and having trouble sleeping. In addition, he is in a bad mood, which makes the people around him suffer.
⠀The codependent person is fragile. He falls to pieces and lets himself down because the other person has not lived up to his expectations. He is not the master of his life. His master is the other person.
⠀Codependent people are each other's crutches. The crutch has been removed - the person has fallen, and he will lie in the mud for a long time and eat himself up with self-pity and a sense of worthless existence.
⠀A codependent person is constantly looking for someone to depend on. But even in codependency, someone is stronger, and someone is weaker.
⠀Codependency is a very unstable construct with lots of problems. The broader a person's consciousness, higher self-esteem, and enjoyment of life, the less likely they are to start a codependent relationship.
⠀Such people don't need crutches. They understand perfectly well what they need and where to get it.
And codependency is not about relationships between people in love; it's about relationships in general. Our whole life is nothing but relationships and communication, after all.
It's a relatively short story, yet it perfectly depicts what codependency can do in relationships. But, of course, that's one's private life, and of course, it may not be visible publicly, yet imagine the effect on one's performance and mood at the workplace.
In the world of John Maxwell coaching, we call it - The Law of Awareness: "You must know yourself to grow yourself".
To escape from being codependent, it is vital to master these qualities:
- Your strengths,
- Your weaknesses,
- Your interests,
- Your opportunities.
Once you grasp the above essence, you can become the best version of yourself. Just imagine how it can improve your life, relationships and the perception of others.
And, no more codependency.
If you feel this has touched you one way or another and you need a life coach - send me a message.